Thank U, next.

Let me paint this picture for you. I am at the gym feeling myself, doing my weekly gym rotation when an angel from above (Ariana Grande)  drops a new track. I’m in the mirror at the gym living out my fantasy as one of her back up dancers jamming out to this new track while all of the older gym members are staring at me. Listen, being fabulous comes at a price and sometimes dancing like nobody is watching is the price you have to pay. Turning heads since 1995.

In all serious this song actually had me thinking about all of the bullshit that this dating world puts on single people like myself. Now I would like to consider myself a decent dater. I don’t go out on a ton of dates but, it takes a large portion of myself to open another part of me to another person. And let me tell you the frogs that this prince has kissed will make the arrival of my prince charming that much more gratifying.

I have every story you can imagine from men answering the door in nothing but booty shorts, to a person who was a little too honest on our first date liking to be spanked….hard, the emotionally unavailable, and a boy who was too privileged and told me he just finished really hard with another man. These are just a few stories and who knows if the interest is there I can sure as hell go into detail further about some of these but, all of these situations pointed me toward one thing…..

DELETE THE APPS. Tinder, Grindr, Scruff the list goes on and on… and I threw them all away with a lock and key and have never felt better.

The things that these men were offering was not what I wanted to take.

For a long time I thought it was me. Now don’t get me wrong I have flaws and I’m not afraid to admit them but, the man that I was looking for did not consist of sending me butthole pictures and asking me if I was “looking.”

No sir I don’t want a picture of your crusty old butthole that looks like an older person pursed their lips together and no sir the only thing that I am “looking” for is someone who has their shit together, isn’t afraid to make me laugh, and isn’t going to try and take my underwear off on the first date.

LET ME TELL YOU…I am no prude and like every other person I have needs but, there is a time and a place for everything.

I have always thought to myself maybe I am being way too picky about these situations, but, I thought to myself NO. I have worked too damn hard on myself for years to put myself first and love who I am, and just because I’m not going to settle for anything less than what I deserve does not make me picky. So if I have to kiss a hundred more frogs before my prince charming comes barging through the door on his very slow turtle that hes been traveling to me on SO BE IT.

I want every person who is single, with someone or just reading this for fun to know that whatever relationship, or dating drama they are going through that they are not alone. Dating is tough and certainly like the Amazonian Jungle. Take the confidence that I know all of you have and go out there and SLAY the dating field away.

One of my best friends sent me a quote that is so important to go by especially, if you re single and ready to mingle:

“Stop wondering if you’re good enough for other people and start wondering if they’re good enough for you.”

Be confident. Be Bold. Raise. Each. Other. Up.

And to that I say thank u, next.

XO Always, A Gay in the Life of Nikos.

 

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Cuffing Season.

The chilly months are upon us, which only means one thing. WINTER IS COMING. The sweaters are being rolled out, and we can smell the Pumpkin Spice Lattes as we step out our front doors. The people are going to do one thing and one thing only to survive….CUFF THE SHIT out of a homeboy to deal with the cold loneliness of these winter months and have a companion to do fall and winter festivities with.

I know what you’re thinking “So cynical” but, you can’t tell me you haven’t seen this with your own two eyes. Instagram and Facebook are littered with  pictures of apple picking, haunted happenings, and the pictures of new couples around the world where love just has seemed to sprung. It’s not a coincidence its C-U-F-F-I-N-G    S-E-A-S-O-N.

Let me tell you one thing, I WISH I had a man to cuff to my arm and drag around for all the cute pictures we could take, but until then I am going to be cuffed to one thing and one thing only and that’s the red and white wine that’s sitting in my liquor cabinet. We are all cuffed to something right?

A few weeks ago, my bestfriend texted me and said she was sick of being single. I totally feel this. It sucks to be single especially when everyone around you is in a seemingly happy relationship, but there is one thing that we single gals need to realize. WE ARE EXACTLY WHERE WE NEED TO BE, AND DO NOT NEED A SIGNIFICANT (*A MAN*) OTHER TO MAKE US HAPPY.  Can we say this louder for all the people in the back, please?

I feel like in the dating community gay and straight the men are after one thing and one thing only, and that’s to stick it in any hole they see fit. We see people rushing into relationships without really getting to know each other. I’m totally guilty of this. One date goes well, and then you’re automatically on the train to a house, and a cute dog.

In actuality these things take time and it all stems from working on yourself first. We can’t just settle for mediocre, right? If you had the choice between Walmart and Target, which one are you going to choose girl? You are going to choose the one that gets you some Starbucks in the morning with a bougie ass breakfast sandwich .

I said to my friend that day that we are confident enough to be single and happy. We are single because we want to be. It would be easy for us to hop on tinder and settle for the man who is going to tell us things we want to hear. Now I don’t know about you but, I don’t want that in a man. I want a man that’s going to be real with me and challenge me when I’m flying off the handle. I want him to reel in the reigns when I’m freaking out for no reason. I also want the man that’s going to stay by my side long after cuffing season is OVER.

We are allowed to be picky with our men, and cuffing season makes it easy for the men who tell women what they want to hear.

I also said to my friend that day that the moral of the story is we can go apple picking and riding hayrides together because WE AIN’T DESPERATE. Lean on your friends and family during these sad long months because the holidays are the best times for that. Who cares if you get a little drunk at Thanksgiving and cry about being single we all have our weak moments.

Instead of feeling bad throw on the outfit that makes you feel the most confident. Wear the thing in your closet you have been saving for the rainy day. WEAR THE DARK DAMN LIPSTICK AND PAINT THOSE NAILS BLACK HUNNNYYYYYY.

Being in a relationship is fun, but its even more fun when the person cares for YOU, and only you.

Until then go dancing, drink the wine, and realize that loving yourself never goes out of style.

Stay strong people.

XO Always, A Gay in the Life of Nikos.

 

 

 

“Ellen DeGeneres Would be Perfect!”

For those of you who follow me on social media know that a large portion of my being comes from being the rainbow colored, rare mythical creature covered in glitter known as GUNCLE. If you don’t know what that is, it’s like a fairy godmother, only labeled as a gay uncle.

Many moons ago, my sister Lindsey christened me into this VIP club when she popped out my first nephew Cole. When I first laid eyes on that little boy I instantly fell in love. I had no clue how entertaining this club would make me feel.

When Cole started to talk he could not say Uncle Nikos to save his life, so he shortened it to “Doh.” Another nephew, two nieces later,  and coming out of the closet the name stuck. Uncle Doh was just as rare as the mythical guncle, so I decided the two just had to merge.

When I first came out I was so worried about the kids. How would they take this? How would they view me? Would the other kids look at them differently because their uncle was gay?

As time has gone by this is the norm for them.  Its completely normal for their uncle to slap on some makeup and try to make himself look like Cher on a Saturday night. It’s completely normal for their uncle to appear in a pair of heels and dance around the living room to make them laugh. It is also completely normal for their uncle to love another man, and for them to reassure him they love him no matter what.

Guncle 4

As Cole had gotten older he had been more intrigued about my “gayness” and watching him even say “you’re gay” through laughing makes ME laugh even harder. One day as we were eating dinner he tells me “Doh, I have a person to set you up with.” For a then 8 year old to tell a single gay man they have someone for them was a total shock and had me listening with both ears, because your boy needs a significant other STAT. He continues and says “Ellen DeGeneres would be PERFCT, you’re both gay!!!!” 

Moral of the story, Ellen if you’re reading this I would be happy to come on your show and talk through this with you! I LOVE first class air.

In all seriousness, the kids in my life have my heart exploding because of all the love I have for them. I see them growing up quite literally before my eyes, mainly because I live with them, and to watch them grow and develop their own personalities is the most beautiful experience.

I must say the thought of ever thinking these kids would treat me differently is far gone and between us as they get older I’ll miss our routines. Nairing Cole’s uni-brow so his brows are on fleek, brushing Lily’s hair before she goes to bed to make sure she’s flawless for school, also making sure Addis uni-brow is gone because my sister made some hairy kids, chasing Kolton around the kitchen island to hear his giggle, and talking to Kaia in different voices to see her big toothless grin. Guncle 5

As much as I like to think I have an effect on these kids, it’s the effect they have on me that make being a guncle so wonderful.  They have taught me to be a more patient person (sometimes), to not cry over spilt milk, and that there’s always enough room for snacks after dinner.

If there’s one thing I know for certain it’s that wherever these kids go in life, they will have their guncle in their corner at every event they have. All they have to do is look for the guy dressed to the nines, his big sunglasses reflecting the fluorescent lights and man bag in hand to know their biggest fan is always there.

PS. I’m just putting in the work now so these kids can be my built in babysitters when I start dropping kids. (Just Kidding)

XO Always,  A Gay in the Life of Nikos.

 

 

 

National Coming Out Day.

I am filled with a mix of emotions as I sit in my living room writing the first post for something I have been wanting to do for years. A part of me was sitting on the idea waiting for the right time to create something of this nature and I thought that since National Coming Out Day was so special to me, it would be a perfect outlet to start the blog A Gay in the Life.

I count my blessing each day for how lucky I am to be born into a family where being gay isn’t an issue. There are so many adults, teenagers, and even children who aren’t as lucky as I am and for them my heart breaks.

The first people I came out to was my sisters. and trust me when people in your family tell you they know before you do it’s the absolute truth. For a boy who would parade himself in high heels and panty hose on his head at the age of 3, they knew a queen when they saw one and let me tell you not much has changed.

When I told my mom, I was in a hurry so it was more of a “hi mom I’m gay. hope you’re not mad, but I gotta go to work” type of thing. And for a boy who was in relationships with girls for a good portion of his high school career, and his freshmen year of college I think it was a shock even though deep down in side she knew a queen when she saw one too. Needless to say after a full bottle of wine later a good hug and kiss she broke the news to me that she told my dad and I had to talk to him the next day.

To be quite honest I knew deep down how everyone is my family would take the news pretty well…..except my dad. And let me preface this with he still is the most patient and understanding man I have in my life. When we started the conversation he started to break down in tears while I sat there awkward not knowing what to say and trying to comfort him even though I was the one that needed the comforting and just wanted his acceptance. He told me something that day that will stick with me as long as I live.

“Nikos I’m not crying because you’re gay, I’m crying because I want to protect you” Now I understand that it was the name calling and how other people would treat me that had him so hurt, but I had already dealt with that portion of being teased for being different throughout all of my education. Nothing was shaking me because I learned that strength from him. And if a man can get though all the terrible things he went through I knew I could get through this. We hugged, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me he loved me no matter what and that’s all I needed to move on and  start living this fabulous gay journey I’ve been on ever since.

Fast forward to today where I look back at everything that led to this moment right now.

I remember being in 7th grade sitting on the bus by myself as I was on my way home from school where I uttered those first words to myself.

“I’m gay, I know it.”

It was the most exhilarating, terrifying thing I have ever said to myself, and I would keep it hidden until I entered my sophomore year of college where I hit the ground running with wigs, glitter, and the highest heels I could dance in.

I look back at the boy on the bus and see who he is now and realize just how far he has come. I ran out of the closet and haven’t looked back ever since. I am who am, I love who I love, and have become one of the strongest people I know.

 

Ps. This is just my story and the way this all came to light FOR ME. I’d love to hear from everyone on their experiences and open up a conversation about this. Can’t wait.

XO Always,  A Gay in the life of Nikos.